I thought for the Hell of it, I'd share a bit about what OCD is. There seems to be a lot of misconceptions - and I wanted to take the opportunity to 'splain it better.
Here goes!
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, OCD, is an anxiety disorder and is characterized by recurrent, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors (compulsions). Repetitive behaviors such as handwashing, counting, checking, or cleaning are often done in the hopes of preventing obsessive thoughts or making them go away. These "rituals" provide only temporary relief, and not performing them significantly increases anxiety. People with OCD are under great stress. The intensity of their symptoms varies: sometimes they are like background noise and at other times they are a deafening roar. Because individuals with OCD may spend an hour or more every day carrying out rituals, their ability to conduct a balanced life is impaired and their relationships at work and home can suffer.
Healthy people also have rituals, such as checking to see if the stove is off several times before leaving the house. The difference is that people with OCD perform their rituals even though doing so interferes with daily life and they find the repetition distressing. Although most adults with OCD recognize that what they are doing is senseless, some adults and most children may not realize that their behavior is out of the ordinary.
The course of the disease is quite varied. Symptoms may come and go, ease over time, or get worse. If OCD becomes severe, it can keep a person from working or carrying out normal responsibilities at home. People with OCD may try to help themselves by avoiding situations that trigger their obsessions, or they may use alcohol or drugs to calm themselves.
For me, it's patterns and counting. My cutlery is in a particular order and if it's out of order, I have to fix it; my big knives are in a particular order, as are my plates, cups, spices etc... to others, my house seems organized, neat and tidy. To me, I see it very differently - I see it as an ongoing source of frustration/stress. People in my house don't see the issue with my 'patterns'. And to some, it doesn't seem like a big deal. But I will check several times a day to ensure nothing has changed, and that everything is in its place. If just one thing is out of order - I fix it, and then follows the domino effect - I'll search the house. My radio in my car and my stereo in my house - the volume is always set on certain numbers i.e. 30, 35, 40, 45... can't ever be 22, 36, or 41. Always has to be a 5 or a 0. No matter how quiet, or how loud it is - I can't allow it otherwise. My brain wont rest until it's fixed. My son has two mugs - one yellow, one blue. He has four tumblers - pink, yellow, blue and green. The pink and yellow have to go in the blue cup - but the yellow has to go in first (cause the pink can't touch the blue), and then the blue and green have to go into the yellow mug - the green going in first (cause the blue can't touch the yellow). His plates/bowls are all in certain patterns as per the design on the plates and bowls; the salt and the pepper can't sit beside each other - something has to be separating them, and those things separating them have to be the opposite colour - for instance the salt stands with the Worchestershire sauce, and the pepper stands with the olive oil (has to have a pattern - black white black white). I open my curtains in a particular way, and if they're moved, it bugs me till I fix it - or if someone else opens them - I have to close them and open them on my own so that it's 'right'. My table has to be 'just so' on the floor - has to be in between certain squares; my mats on my floors have to be just so - else I can't rest till it's fixed. It's one reason I can't handle it when someone helps me, cause it causes me so much anxiety - it's not done right and I have to follow behind them to make sure it's right. So, imagine how much anxiety I'm feeling when someone is here helping me - and I can't 'fix' it out of fear of hurting their feelings... or being in my current situation - I can't do much to fix things... so, I fixate and stress over silly things which I have no control over, and am physically unable to manage at the moment. Most people say to me "Just let it go"... but that's the thing. I can't.
If I'm really stressed, I will go on a bender so-to-speak. I will tear things apart just to organize them, just to give myself that sense of control; it sometimes helps ease my stress and anxiety. On occasion, it's backfired and increased my stress and anxiety. Being off work, and being in so much pain, has caused me a lot of stress. I'm so eager to feel better again, to be physically capable of acting out all my rituals. I feel so anxious and out of control cause of all of this... I really need to get back to work, really need to be fixed!!
That's just part of it - I wont go into every little detail. I'm sure y'all think I'm crazy - or if you thought I was before, well, then I've just confirmed it for you. After reading that, I wonder what y'all think. To some if not most, you wont think that's such a bad thing. But for me, if I don't do these things - my rituals, if you will - I can't function. I'll fixate and obsess until it's fixed. I'll stress till it's done - wont sleep even. Before the meds, even if I did 'fix' something, again - it would trigger a domino effect - and even now, on meds, I still do that on occasion. Depends on the amount of stress I'm under at the time. I realize how nutty this all sounds - trust me I do. I used to be embarassed to admit to my 'rituals'. But I've learned how to make it work for me. I've never been driven to drugs or alcohol to manage it; I've never been brought to the point of harming myself or others cause of it... I wont lie tho, there are times where I wish I wasn't like this. My life and the lives of those around me would be very different, and quite likely much easier. Just ask my son, and my ex husband. They can vouch how frustrating it is to be around me when I'm in a frenzy... it ain't pretty.
I hope that this has helped clear it up for people. I'm a nurse by trade; education and awareness is what I do. Might as well make it work for me, eh?
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