How to (efficiently, yet creatively) clean a toilet.

This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.

1. Put the lid and the seat of the toilet up.  Add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. 
You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.  Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home.  Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.


**Good thing I have a cat... will come in handy.  Thanks Aunt Bonnie.  I have the greatest family!!**

Stress...

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"
Answers called out ranged from 8oz. To 20oz.
The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance."
In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.
He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work/life down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy! "

And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

1 * Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4 * Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8 * Never buy a car you can't push.

9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

11 * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.

13 * When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

15 * You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once

17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box .

18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

**Thanks Aunt Bonnie! **

Pain in the Ass #4 - well, actually L2-4 and the sacroiliac joint/tailbone...

I thought for the Hell of it, I'd share a bit about what OCD is.  There seems to be a lot of misconceptions - and I wanted to take the opportunity to 'splain it better.

Here goes! 

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, OCD, is an anxiety disorder and is characterized by recurrent, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors (compulsions). Repetitive behaviors such as handwashing, counting, checking, or cleaning are often done in the hopes of preventing obsessive thoughts or making them go away. These "rituals" provide only temporary relief, and not performing them significantly increases anxiety. People with OCD are under great stress. The intensity of their symptoms varies: sometimes they are like background noise and at other times they are a deafening roar. Because individuals with OCD may spend an hour or more every day carrying out rituals, their ability to conduct a balanced life is impaired and their relationships at work and home can suffer.

Healthy people also have rituals, such as checking to see if the stove is off several times before leaving the house. The difference is that people with OCD perform their rituals even though doing so interferes with daily life and they find the repetition distressing. Although most adults with OCD recognize that what they are doing is senseless, some adults and most children may not realize that their behavior is out of the ordinary.

The course of the disease is quite varied. Symptoms may come and go, ease over time, or get worse. If OCD becomes severe, it can keep a person from working or carrying out normal responsibilities at home. People with OCD may try to help themselves by avoiding situations that trigger their obsessions, or they may use alcohol or drugs to calm themselves.

For me, it's patterns and counting.  My cutlery is in a particular order and if it's out of order, I have to fix it; my big knives are in a particular order, as are my plates, cups, spices etc... to others, my house seems organized, neat and tidy.  To me, I see it very differently - I see it as an ongoing source of frustration/stress.  People in my house don't see the issue with my 'patterns'.  And to some, it doesn't seem like a big deal.  But I will check several times a day to ensure nothing has changed, and that everything is in its place.  If just one thing is out of order - I fix it, and then follows the domino effect - I'll search the house.  My radio in my car and my stereo in my house - the volume is always set on certain numbers i.e. 30, 35, 40, 45... can't ever be 22, 36, or 41.  Always has to be a 5 or a 0.  No matter how quiet, or how loud it is - I can't allow it otherwise. My brain wont rest until it's fixed. My son has two mugs - one yellow, one blue.  He has four tumblers - pink, yellow, blue and green.  The pink and yellow have to go in the blue cup - but the yellow has to go in first (cause the pink can't touch the blue), and then the blue and green have to go into the yellow mug - the green going in first (cause the blue can't touch the yellow).  His plates/bowls are all in certain patterns as per the design on the plates and bowls; the salt and the pepper can't sit beside each other - something has to be separating them, and those things separating them have to be the opposite colour - for instance the salt stands with the Worchestershire sauce, and the pepper stands with the olive oil (has to have a pattern - black white black white).  I open my curtains in a particular way, and if they're moved, it bugs me till I fix it - or if someone else opens them - I have to close them and open them on my own so that it's 'right'.  My table has to be 'just so' on the floor - has to be in between certain squares; my mats on my floors have to be just so - else I can't rest till it's fixed.  It's one reason I can't handle it when someone helps me, cause it causes me so much anxiety - it's not done right and I have to follow behind them to make sure it's right.  So, imagine how much anxiety I'm feeling when someone is here helping me - and I can't 'fix' it out of fear of hurting their feelings... or being in my current situation - I can't do much to fix things... so, I fixate and stress over silly things which I have no control over, and am physically unable to manage at the moment.  Most people say to me "Just let it go"... but that's the thing.  I can't. 

If I'm really stressed, I will go on a bender so-to-speak.  I will tear things apart just to organize them, just to give myself that sense of control; it sometimes helps ease my stress and anxiety.  On occasion, it's backfired and increased my stress and anxiety.  Being off work, and being in so much pain, has caused me a lot of stress.  I'm so eager to feel better again, to be physically capable of acting out all my rituals.  I feel so anxious and out of control cause of all of this... I really need to get back to work, really need to be fixed!!

That's just part of it - I wont go into every little detail.  I'm sure y'all think I'm crazy - or if you thought I was before, well, then I've just confirmed it for you.  After reading that, I wonder what y'all think.  To some if not most, you wont think that's such a bad thing.  But for me, if I don't do these things - my rituals, if you will - I can't function.  I'll fixate and obsess until it's fixed.  I'll stress till it's done - wont sleep even.  Before the meds, even if I did 'fix' something, again - it would trigger a domino effect - and even now, on meds, I still do that on occasion.  Depends on the amount of stress I'm under at the time.  I realize how nutty this all sounds - trust me I do.  I used to be embarassed to admit to my 'rituals'.  But I've learned how to make it work for me.  I've never been driven to drugs or alcohol to manage it; I've never been brought to the point of harming myself or others cause of it... I wont lie tho, there are times where I wish I wasn't like this.  My life and the lives of those around me would be very different, and quite likely much easier.  Just ask my son, and my ex husband.  They can vouch how frustrating it is to be around me when I'm in a frenzy... it ain't pretty. 

I hope that this has helped clear it up for people. I'm a nurse by trade; education and awareness is what I do.  Might as well make it work for me, eh?

Pain in the Ass #3 - well, actually L2-4 and the sacroiliac joint/tailbone...

WARNING: The following blog is full of frustration and A LOT of bitching and whining.  Reader's discretion is advised...it's also kind of all over the place - so please forgive me...    



I've been avoiding this blog.  I've been so frustrated, annoyed, sore and tired.  I've been reluctant to write in my blog cause I didn't want to complain. Tired of being whiny.  UGH.  BUT... seeing as this is supposed to be 'therapeutic' and a way for me to release crap inside of me... I figured I'd better purge and get it over with.


It's been one of those things - this pain I've been dealing with.  I try so hard to focus on other things; to occupy my time with things that will get my mind off of it.  My entire life is consumed with it. DAMN!!  As an RN, I have studied how pain affects people; I've seen people suffer from chronic pain and I've also helped them deal with it; either by going to tried and true methods, or researching on their behalf and bugging the doc's until they listen. And until the other day, I never really considered myself to be one that 'suffers from chronic pain'.  However, while doing some reading about pain and its effects - I've come to discover that I fall into that category.  

I find my moods to be really awful; the filter from my brain to my mouth seems to have disappeared - not entirely sure where it went, to be honest. I'm bored, restless, fidgety, easily annoyed (yes, more than usual =^P ) did I mention bored, restless and fidgety?? I find myself seriously annoyed with people who tell me "it could be worse", or they've been through worse, to focus on the positive, cause their life is so much worse, or they know what I'm going through, when really - they don't have a clue.  It's just like the OCD.  I've had countless people say that they have OCD too, when in fact they don't. Being organized and particular about how you do things is VERY different than OCD.  Trust me.  I wish I was just organized and particular.  That would be a breeze compared to what goes on inside my brain.  I'm not trying to put others down, or to make other people feel bad.  Just doing my purge before I explode.  These days, it really doesn't take much to push me to the point of detonation.


**Side note: " I know what you're going thru..." That's actually one of the reasons I became a nurse.  I know what it's like to be sick, poked and prodded; to be stuck in a hospital for days and days, and sometimes weeks; know what it's like to be the patient - and I was SO TIRED of nurses/doctors telling me they knew what I was going thru, when all they had at their disposal was book knowledge. I have tried so hard not to be one of those professionals that says that fateful line... cause all it does is annoy those who are suffering - a slap in the face, if you will, even though it's meant to be a term of encouragement**

According to Science Daily, people with unrelenting pain don't only suffer from the non-stop sensation of throbbing pain. They also have trouble sleeping, are often depressed, anxious and even have difficulty making simple decisions.  Subsequent changes in wiring in the brain may make it harder for you to make a decision or be in a good mood to get up in the morning. It could be that pain produces depression and the other reported abnormalities because it disturbs the balance of the brain as a whole.  In a healthy (pain free) brain all the regions exist in a state of equilibrium. When one region is active, the others quiet down. But in people with chronic pain, a front region of the cortex mostly associated with emotion "never shuts up".

That is me in a nutshell.  I'm not depressed tho - I'm frustrated.  Beyond frustrated.  Can't do simple things like cleaning my toilet, sweeping floors, washing dishes, laundry - groceries are a chore and typically by the time I get to my car, I'm in tears cause I hurt and am so bloody frustrated with my stupid back.  Add to that, being cooped up in my house almost all the time - I'm an active girl.  Like to be outside going for a hike, bike ride, etc...I'm a girl who doesn't like to sit around and watch TV all the time.  I'm the girl who gets it all done ASAP, doesn't waste time.  I don't 'relax' all that well; my OCD doesn't help, granted - but I'm medicated for that, and thankfully the meds work. 

When meds weren't involved, I warn you - it was a frenzy in my brain, and my household/life was even worse.  I'd tear around the house - it was like a domino effect - me and my organizing/fixing things. I wouldn't rest till it was all done and my brain would accept it...should that ever happen.  Pre-medication, there were nights I didn't sleep cause my brain wouldn't shut off and let me shut down cause there was something out of place which would in turn, start the domino effect again and again.  It wasn't just limited to inside my home, but I struggled to keep my OCD under wraps in the outside world - until at last I accepted my doctors' offers of medication to get me and my OCD under control. I've never looked back.  I'm not ashamed of it either - I've always viewed it as a productive 'disorder'.  However, since my injury, I have been trying to manage my chores here at home and surprisingly enough, my OCD has mostly been under wraps (thank God for meds!!) I hate being unable to control things in my environment - that too is an issue with my OCD.  It allows me some control, or at least, that's what my brain 'thinks' - I hate being dependent on others, and I hate feeling/being lazy.   

Speaking of lazy - I've actually encountered someone (she was a friend - I was tired of her BS...and by the end of this, you'll maybe understand why I ended the friendship) who actually had the audacity to 'wish' she could injure herself at work, so that she didn't have to work.  WTF?? She actually said this to me.  She also said how lucky I was, and how I should appreciate what I had...specifically stating that I was lucky that I got to stay at home, and get paid for it no matter the pain I was in. I wanted to choke her.  This is also the same person who uttered one day " You're lucky you have diabetes... cause your eye exams are free.  That's so unfair that the rest of us have to pay for them!".  That too, made me want to punch her in the face.  While the diabetes thing is a little off topic - I'm sorry... I'd rather be diabetes free and pay for my eye exams - than have to face the complications of this disease, which I've had now for over 20 years.


I've been trying to see the bright side of all of this; trying to find the silver lining in my cloud.  I often wonder if this is my wake-up call - should I do something else in nursing? Should I consider a different line of work? I also wonder if this is a life lesson for me.  To take better care of my body; to be in better shape for the sake of my back.  Ironic thing, tho - before my injury, I was working out, eating all my meals - losing weight and building muscle.  Maybe I need to slow down, and pace myself more.  To have a better appreciation of what chronic pain is - to make me that much more compassionate with my patients, to be empathetic with what they have to live with day after day.  I've experienced pain before - but not like this.  I was always able to treat the pain, short of my head aches due to too much fluid on my brain (something I've lived with since my early teens).  This pain - just ain't going away!! I really do want to find something positive out of this.  Cause I can assure you, I'm beyond tired of this.  


After all my bitching, there is some good news.  I finally got my appointment for my surgical consult down at Toronto Western.  It's this coming Monday.  I'm excited, anxious, nervous and down right scared.  When this all started, and surgery was first brought up - I was dead set against surgery.  Now that I've been like this for almost 6 mo's, surgery sounds great.  To me (and I could be wrong) it's the best route to go, and means that I'll be better quicker and be back to life as I knew it - but better, bitchier (hehe) and stronger! ;^)


Fingers crossed they can fix me soon, and that in the meantime - I find the positive in this situation, and also learn from my situation.  I refuse to believe that this is all for nothing, and that there isn't a lesson in it somewhere. In case anyone does actually read this massive bitch-fest, I wanted to say thanks for letting me vent and allowing me the freedom to speak my mind sans filter.

Stollen Words...

Sonnet XVII. By Pablo Neruda 

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

Pain in the Ass #2 - well, actually L2-4 and the sacroiliac joint/tailbone...

WARNING: The following blog is full of frustration and A LOT of bitching and whining.  Reader's discretion is advised. 

WSIB.  What can one say about WSIB...??? I can think of a few choice descriptive words... however, I'm sure I'll be banned from blogging if I use the language that comes to mind.

I'm honestly trying to be patient...and for those that know me, know that ain't an easy task. WSIB seems to be made up of a bunch of un-holy wankers extraordinare! I realize that for them, the bottom line is the Almighty Dollar...and they are all too eager for me to go back to work.  But on the other hand, they're dragging their sorry arses and not being proactive at all in regards to getting me into a specialist.

Let's start at the beginning, tho.  On Sept 30 I sprained my back while at work.  It hurt but I worked thru the rest of my day as usual.  BUT by the end of my shift, I couldn't bend to take off my shoes or put them back on.  The next day, I was to work an evening shift and I had hoped that I'd be feeling better by the time my shift started.  However, I was really sore.  So, I called work. **Originally, I was going to suck it up and go to work - not bother telling work I was sore - was just going to SUCK IT UP!  But I had a voice inside my head telling me that I needed to call work (and a couple of friends who were reminding me that I was an RN, and should be smarter than that - ' CALL WORK YOU IDIOT ' they said to me)** Ok, back to where I was... called work and a manager said that I needed to go to a clinic or my FD ASAP.  So, off to a clinic here in Barrie - as my FD is in Newmarket.  The MD there said I shouldn't work that evening or for the w/e and to take it easy; if the pain continued or got worse, to go to the ER. 

It didn't get better, in fact it was worse, and vital things were being affected (wont go into a lot of detail, but safe to say previous to my injury I was a very "regular" girl).  I went to the ER here in town, and the MD there was a condescending jerk of a doctor, who said that it wasn't serious and that I needed PT (physio) - I'd be back to work in a few days to a week.  Told me I didn't need any tests (i.e. CT scan or MRI) and offered me narcotics to deal with the pain - knowing full well, I was having issues with my 'regular' nature.  At the time I was mildly annoyed, as were the nurses involved - but I thought, " Hey, it's not that serious.. I'll be fine ".

Found a PT that dealt with WSIB.  They wanted me to do an x-ray for diagnostic purposes.  X-rays show fractures, etc.. but aren't really all that affective when it comes to things that are more specific i.e. bulging discs, etc... and didn't even try to go to WSIB to request a CT Scan, or MRI.  My FD, while a great doc, said if they didn't feel I needed anything further - then I wasn't going to be referred for anything else. The PT swore up and down that I didn't have a bulging disc, and proceeded to treat me for the sprained back (without diagnostic tests as nothing was ordered).  I was also stuck (as they assumed - but didn't have proof) at the sacroiliac joint.  Dude was WAY too aggressive with me, and without really knowing what was wrong with me (even tho I suggested a CT scan to just be sure of what was going on in my back) caused even further damage to my back. 

Out of desperation, I went to a Chiropractor.  I was in agonizing pain.  Couldn't sleep, couldn't sit, stand, walk, do stairs - hated the thought of getting a shower cause it meant that I had to stand and bend...do all the stuff that you have to do, to get clean.  **Side note - with my OCD, I'm somewhat of a scrubaholic.  I need to be clean - sometimes a little obsessively.  So, my current situation is a major pain (literally) - cause I can't shut that part of my brain off.**  I'll skip over the not-so-important details and get to the point where this incredible woman (my chiro) has been fighting her ass off for me with WSIB.  It took over TWO months for me to get a CT scan - which showed a bulging disc and confirmed that I was indeed stuck at the sacroiliac joint.  Add to that, a lot of scar tissue from torn muscle and some pinched nerves.

As if things weren't bad enough - I got the flu from HELL and a nasty cough/cold with it on top of what you normally get with the flu.  I coughed, sneezed and puked to the point that my chiro is thinking my bulging disc now resembles that of a jelly doughnut with said jelly squished out - given the insane pain associated with my new present condition - post flu.

Now, back to WSIB.  These 'brilliant' turds, suggested this 'amazing' clinic in Mississauga that specializes in neck and back injuries.  I'm on the top of the list, so they say.  They agreed with my chiro (FINALLY) that this needs further investigation, as I'd exhausted pretty much all the suggested forms of pain control (haven't even started rehab yet!!) - I've tried acupuncture, cupping, meds - both non-narcotic and narcotic, heat, cold, ointments, laser therapy...and a few more that I can't think of at the moment.  I've tried core strengthening exercises to better support my back.  The chiro thinks ( as do her colleagues ) that I might benefit from nerve blocks and/or surgery. But only this last week ( remember, I've been at this for over 5 mo's ) I find out from WSIB that this 'wonderful' clinic that I was on the top of the list for - isn't even open and they're not sure when it will be open... and now they want to send me to Toronto Western.  Which is " located in the heart of downtown Toronto "... as if that's a good thing!!

So, after my rant - my point is - if they're so frickin' eager for me to get back to work - why in the name of all that is Holy... are they dragging their bloody arses in getting me help ??? I need this consult with the neurosurgeon and the orthopedic surgeon as well as the MRI to happen, so I can get better and move on.  Not be stuck in my house, short of chiro and groceries... HOLY POOP!!  ... OH - and even though I'm being referred to Toronto Western - I still don't have an appointment.  OY VEY!!

Ok.. I think I'm done that rant for now... LOL.  Everyone asks what happened and why I'm still off work - I'm assuming that will answer their questions....

That's it for now.. thanks for listening to my bitch-fest.  =^)

Pain in the Ass #1 - well, actually L2-4 and the sacroiliac joint/tailbone...

Well, the last time I wrote here - I had the full intention of making it a regular thing.  Thought it would be therapeutic - still think it might be.  God knows, I need therapeutic - whether or not anyone reads this or not, really isn't the point.
Quite frankly, I feel bad for anyone who runs into me be it on FB, MSN, phone or face-to-face.  Out of both concern and politeness people ask me on a daily basis how I'm doing.  I wish to God I could come up with something witty and charming - instead my typical response is "Oh, about the same as before."
The last few days have been exceptionally trying and equally exhausting.  Not only am I dealing with a back injury (which I've had for over 5 months now), but I'm a single mom of an 8 yr old boy - who's trying to keep her head above water financially, emotionally and in any way possible cause not only do I need to stay 'put together' for him, but for me too.  I also have the misfortune of an ex who doesn't seem to understand how much his son truly misses him, and who seems to think he can treat me like crap when he sees fit.
However, add to my situation some sunshine.  I am the OH SO BLOODY PROUD MOM of a FANTASTIC LITTLE BOY!! ..who I love more than life itself.  Add to that a man who, for some ungodly reason loves me even though I'm currently broken and not really able to do much - throw on top of that my moods, and my inability to let go, and allow others to help me.  Now add to that the fact that this man adores my son - and actually pays attention to him; even does stuff with him.  Can't even say that about his dad, sadly. 
I realize I'm getting off topic tho - kinda sorta... I need to find a silver lining in this cloud that hovers over my  life at the moment.  I've been told by different people that maybe this is God's way of making me slow down, to not let my OCD take over my life (and just to clarify, I'm not the door knob turning, light switch flicking, hand wringing OCD'r... I'm the pattern and 'numbers/counting' kind of OCD'r - meaning I'm typically really organized to the point of ... well, put it this way - I've been referred to as the Tazmanian Devil or a highly efficient tornado...) It's also been suggested that this is time being allotted to me to figure things out and decide what I really want to do with my life.
My chiropractor said to me today that I've been dealt a crappy hand; and friends of mine seem to agree.  While I don't like the situation I'm in; absolutely HATE how dependent it's made me - hate how I feel day-to-day and how it's affecting my brain...I don't want to ever start thinking that Life has dealt me a crappy  hand - it's then that I'm afraid I'll truly give into self pity and I don't want to do that.  Especially when I've spent the last 10 years in nursing. I've seen people and families who have been dealt a truly horrid hand without any light or hope.  I don't mean to sound so dramatic, but it's the truth, and I at least have a light at the end of the tunnel... that seems too far away right now... but it's there all the same.